Moving On
by The Meaning Of Haste
Summary: The Marauders have graduated and Remus has decided it's time to move on. With this letter he says good bye to all the feelings he felt for Sirius over the years, but will Sirius let him?slash.COMPLETEEDITED
1. Moving On edited

Moving On 

Disclaimer: Hey, I don't own any of his it's all J.K. Rowlings. She's just being kind enough to let me play with her toys, I promise I'll put them back when I'm done.

A/N: This is my first slash fic so please be nice. Reviews would be AWESOME to. Well enough babbling from me and on with the show… or story… or fic… or whatever you feel like calling it. Anyway here we go!

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Sirius,

I hardly know where to being. I guess the beginning is always the best. I guess this all started in our 3rd year. I guess it started the summer before. It was a hard summer on us as you probably remember with my dad dying. I really missed you and James so much that summer, but it seemed like I was longing to see you more than him and for reasons that I couldn't quite explain. When I saw you on the train on our way back to school something inside of me gave a flip and a twist at the same time when I saw you. Yes, I was happy to see you both, but nothing flipped when I saw James. It took me a few weeks to recognize it and grow to allow it but I knew it was then that I fell in love with you.

Do you remember Christopher? He was always a year above us. I'm sure you do, you always talked to me about him. You were quite open with the fact that you were gay. Well I hated Christopher. I know I had no real reason to hate him, he had never done anything to me it was just that you were so infatuated with him that it drove me mad. You broke my heart every time that you talked to me about him. He was just so beautiful with his dark hair that seemed to fall perfectly around his face. And that his dark eyes were so beautiful, you would tell me this so often through out of time at school and I regret that just last month you told me again. And how just a wave, a smile, or a simple hello from him could just brighten up the worst day for you. How I wished that it was me that could do those things to you.

Every one that you fancied or dated crushed me. I couldn't bear to watch it or hear you talk about them but I put up with it lest you think something was wrong. My façade never fell whenever I was near you but it took all my strength to keep it up. Hell, there were so many times that it was all I could do not to shove you against a wall a kiss you until you were sure that I loved you. But I had to seem strong, it was my job in the Marauders to help keep us all together and standing without to many detentions. But now as we leave and will drift farther apart I have to tell you all this.

I love every thing about you. Your happy go lucky attitude towards school and life in general. The way your hair always hangs annoyingly in your eyes. The way everything you do looks cool. How you could always look great when you just pulled something out of you disorganized trunk. Especially how you were always so open to James and I about how you felt on everything. I love how you are so passionate about everything you do, and how loyal you are to your friends. You're always so carefree with life, never spending too much time to think about what you were about to do. I envy the way you could forget trivial little things that happened and just move on. God Sirius, I even love your vulgar words and your cruelly blunt way of putting things. I'm sitting here as I write this letter trying just to think of something I dislike about you or something that ever made me mad, but I can't think of anything. Your personality is wonderfully perfect, along with everything you do. Even if nothing ever happens between us, just like I think it wont, just please don't change. I couldn't bear to know that your wonderful personality and carefree self had changed into some worried and uptight man.

Now before you start wondering why the hell I didn't tell you earlier, just think. I was terrified to tell you. I never told a sole. If I told them what would happen? I'm sure you and James would have supported me being gay but that's just the thing. I'm only gay when it comes to you, I've never found another man attractive before you or during me loving you. And I couldn't very well say, "Hey Padfoot, guess what? Well you'll never guess so I'll tell you. I love you." I'm not that kind of person. I was hoping I would just get over you and everything would be fine but as you can tell I never did. I guess the thing I was really scared of was losing you. I could live with you as just a friend, even if I didn't want to, but I couldn't live with you looking at me with disgust all the time. So now I can tell you everything because I'm leaving soon to go to London. I'll be there for a few months and if you're not to disgusting please owl me when I get back. If for some reason you need to contact me just to James. He and Lily know where I'm going.

I love you Sirius and I probably always will. Eventually I may come to put that towards the back of my mind and try to move on, but I can't with out telling you this first.

Love,

Remus.

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A/N: Aww sweet no? Okay well there you have it. I'm not sure if I'll write a sequel to it. I might, it all depends on the reviews I get so if you like it please review! Thanks times… A MILLION! Now I'm off to drink tea…


	2. Never Letting Go

Disclaimer: I still don't own any of this, their all J.K.Rowlings. She's just letting me play with her toys, I promise I'll give them back when I'm done.

A/N: I got some reviews asking for a sequel so here we go. I hope you guy like it. It will be a little happier than the last chapter I promise, yet it will still be filled with some happy angst. Happy angst… that doesn't really work now does it? O well enjoy it anyways!

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Never Letting Go 

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Remus,

My dear sweet Remus. I only wish that you could have told me sooner. I have so much to tell you but I don't have the way with words that you do. I need to speak to you in person. Please let me know where you are.

Sirius

Sirius looked over his parchment with sadness in his eyes. He had gotten Remus' letter and had sent the letter to him straight away. He knew Remus was already gone to London and he honestly had no idea where to reach him. He had just gotten his owl back that morning. It carried a letter addressed to Remus with 'Returned' scrawled on it in red ink. That one word had almost killed him. He threw down the letter and quickly went to his room. He grabbed his wand and wallet and quickly disaperatted.

With a small pop he landed clumsily in the middle of a neat yard. He had missed the sidewalk by a few feet and landed in the straight flowerbeds. He climbed out and rushed up to the door. He knocked heavily and waiting impatiently for someone to answer. As he waited he shifted around and looked up at the sky. It was a light gray and threatening to poor anytime soon. Off in the West, towards London, he noticed that the clouds where dark and it looked almost like night. He turned and began pounded again when a messy haired man opened the door. "What the hell are you doing here Sirius?" He asked, quite astonished to see a disgruntled Sirius Black standing on his doorstep.

"Love you to James," Sirius said irritably.

"Sorry, we just weren't expecting you. Do you need something? You look like you're in a rush? You're a complete mess," James said apolegetically.

"Yeah, I've got to go to Remus. I don't have time to explain just please tell me where he is!" Sirius said, almost whined, desperately.

James watched Sirius plead and knew it was something important. Sirius Orion Black was never this desperate. He sighed, "He told me not to give it to you unless you were dying or something important like that but you look incredibly desperate and in a rush so sure what the hell. I'll be right back." James disappeared inside and left Sirius to stand out side. He came back soon holding a piece of paper. "Here, the address. Go quickly, I know he needs you more that he thinks and you need him. Don't look so shocked, I'm both of your best friends, I know everything. There's a large field about four or five blocks away. Apparate there and walk the rest of the way. Here's the house number and how to get there from the field. Now go! Get lost you!" James said pressing the paper into Sirius hand. Sirius opened his mouth to speak but James shushed him. "No time for thank you's now. Get outta here!"

Sirius smiled widely. "Thanks James," he said softly and with a pop he was gone.

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Sirius' POV

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I remember falling in the middle of a large overgrown, soggy field. Rain was pounding on top of my head, soaking me rapidly. "Damn," I cursed and rushed off to find Remus. I cast a quick water repelling charm on the paper before it became unreadable. It was written in Remus' small and neat handwriting.

'Turn left at the first corner

Then go down five blocks.

The fifth house on the left side of the street is mine

Number 19 Berkny St.'

I ran as quickly as I could with out slipping on the slick concrete. At first it shocked me that Remus was renting a house while he was here but then it began to make sense. He was going to be there for a few months which meant he would have to transform a few times. He couldn't risk transforming in a hotel or even a flat. Even with the Wolfsbane potion the wolf could still get restless and tear something apart or make noise, both which he couldn't risk. At a hotel people would be suspicious with odd noises coming from his room and he could be checked in on, and while in a hotel he couldn't use magic to protect the furniture with muggles that close by incase they heard or saw it. But in a house all alone he could easily cast charms to protect the little furniture that was already in there or fix whatever broke and he could make all the noise necessary since there wasn't a back-up key to his room below him.

I was wetter than I had ever been and shivering from the cold wind when I finally reached his house. It was small and not the best kept but it was all in all, nice and in a good walking distance to shops and a subway station. I knocked on the door and waited for him while shivering. My thin T-shirt was plastered to my skin along with my jeans, if anyone ever said wet jeans didn't hurt, they lied. My trainers were disgusting, covered completely in mud, which was also splattering up the back of my legs.

Remus opened the door, a confused look on his face. When his eyes met mine he froze. The only sound was the pounding of rain and the soft sound of rock coming from inside his house. "Sirius," he whispered, his voice slightly hoarse, and sounding as if he didn't believe I was really there. "Sirius, why the hell are you here?" He asked a little stronger.

I couldn't speak. Words were flowing through my head but not a single word made its way to my mouth. He looked so beautiful standing there in shock. He was dressed casually in a pair of black knit trousers and an open black robe showing his perfect chest. He looked as if he was just starting to settle down for the night. The soft lighting from inside contrasted against the dark sky and made an impressive back lighting. The few gray and gold streaks in his light brown hair jumped out and he looked so young, yet mature at the same time. "Why are you here Sirius?" He asked again, roughly this time, snapping me out of my thoughts. I just shook my head, not able to explain my actions with words. "If you don't want anything than just leave!" He said, the anger in his voice showing. I shook my head again. No, leaving was one thing that I could not do. "Sirius, please! Just leave!" He said desperately, as if seeing me was causing him pain. A single tear rolled down his cheek and all safety, precaution and nervousness flew out of me.

I walked quickly up to him and pushed him against the wall next to the door. "S-Sirius? What are you—" he began, his voice scarred and angry at the same time, but I silenced him quickly by pressing my lips to his. He gave a soft sigh and I took that as and invitation to increase my pressure. I knew I had to say everything with that kiss. That it was my last chance to tell him how I really felt. To tell him just how much I loved him. He groaned and wrapped his arms around my neck and my heart sang. I know that it's a sappy line but my heart sang at this. I kissed him with all the passion and love I could find in me and he returned with his. I nibbled on his lip and he let out a moan that sent shivers up and down my spine. I slid my tongue into his mouth and proceeded to kiss him senseless. Finally the need for oxygen became too great for either of us to handle and we broke apart panting.

"Remus John Lupin I love more than I have every loved anyone. And Christopher, he was someone I spent my time talking about to make you jealous, to try to make you mad enough to come to me. I've loved you for as long as I can remember and I can't imagine living with out that love." I paused to grab his hands and pull them up. I kissed each one of them on the knuckles and then kissed softly on his lips. "Never doubt that I love you Remus. Never," I growled. His face lit up and I pulled him in for another kiss. I don't remember how long we stood out there kissing, or much of what happened afterwards. All I know is that it changed the rest of my life up until my death. The only times when Remus' love wasn't enough to save me was when Peter betrayed Lily and James and when I died. No Remus couldn't save me from the anger I felt for Peter or my wretched family.

But now as I stand here with James, watching my precious Remus go sadly and dully throughout life I whisper as I did that night, hoping he will hear me.

"Never doubt that I love you Remus, Never"

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The End

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A/N: aww poor Remus and Sirius. Well thanks for reading my story! This was me first attempt at slash so I hope you liked it. Please review. T'wod make me very happy!


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